An Opportunity to Forgive.

That's the card I picked today.

"This situation brings you the opportunity to heal, grow, and release negative patterns. Hold the intention of seeing the other person's inner Divine light and goodness. We will help you release unforgiving thoughts, feelings, and energies, and lift you to a higher place of peace and compassion."

Damn those cards are good.

It took me a year to finally let go of the pain he who shall not be named caused...

That's too long of a time to let someone else hold onto your power.

So I'm done. I'm ready to wash my hands of it. I certainly can not go as far as to "see his Divine light and goodness" because he certainly does not embody that at all. BUT I can forgive him and move on. I can also thank him for the most beautiful best friend that I got out of the situation and the fact that I met my soul mate after him.

The Universe certainly works in painful but beautiful ways...

Not only do I let go of this person and move on, but I forgive the "other" person that was involved.

In fact, I have a story that ties this whole thing together.

Last Sunday I woke up from the most beautiful dream with he who shall not be named. He actually told me why he was scared and why he did what he did. We said sorry, hugged, and that was that.

When I woke up I just had this urge to "dance" out my heartache. I check my email and see something from SB dance tribe.

How peculiar... I want to dance, I'm in town for the weekend... Hmmm, maybe I'll check out this "dance" thing.

Here's the website. If you're in SB, want to dance your heart out in a safe and fun environment, check out the SB Dance Tribe.

www.sbdancetribe.com

SO! I throw on some clothes, and run out the door.

I have no idea who's going to be there, I just have this serious intention to dance my booty off.

I show up with no expectations, I pay my $10, put my hoops by the wall and boy did I let loose.

It was the best experience ever.

Remember that best friend I told you about that was connected to he who shall not be named...

Yea.

She was there.

At first sight the fur stands up and I hiss... but took a deep breath and said hi back.

And what do you know she does... but says, "I'm Sorry."

Whoa.

OK! Done. All was forgotten and we danced it out in glory.

Sounds a little cheesy but it was the medicine I needed to move on.

I learned a lot about myself and how others could treat you... whether they loved you or not...

I lost a best friend but gained a new loving friend that is trusting and more at my energetic level.

I met my soul mate.

So... even though the experience was one of the most awful I have ever gone through, the ending of it all was the most glorious.

I guess you can't get to the good unless you go through the bad...

I feel much better.

Holding onto that negative stuff was killing my soul.

So. Moral of the story. Let it all go. Certain people no matter how much you may like them, are not supposed to be apart of your beautiful life.

And Life will sometimes be painful, so... dance it out.

Amisha and Veronika goes to Venice Beach!

I met Amisha Zuber at Santa Barbara City College, O about 6 years ago. She was beautiful, artistic, funny, and had the best sense of style I had ever seen. She was messy though.... but I was ok with that. She was in love with her little eye brows and pretty clean dreads and she made me feel like I was the coolest girl in the world. That's us :)
Around the end of February, 6 years ago, I walk up to her mothers house, which was literally across the street from SBCC to get her for class. I would leave James with her babaroo because they were best friends as well :) That's them below. Don't let the picture fool you. They LOVED being besties!!

Amisha's still sleeping. Of course. So I get in bed with her and I say... "Amisha! Wake up! It's your birthday!!" I have in my hand a little present and I say, "we can smoke this now, go back to bed and take an adventure or we go to school. Your call."
Of course the answer was take an adventure. So we giggle back to sleep, wake up a few hours later and off we are on the road to Los Angeles!! WOO HOO!

As we're driving we realize we have no idea where we are going so we decide on Venice. To get tattoos. I mean it was a completely logic idea.

That's us :) At the tattoo shop :) As you can see I was a little fatty. Thanks to Amisha for dressing me :) I felt awesome this day.

So here we are in the tattoo parlor. What are we going to get? No one knows! I had an idea and when I expressed the idea to the tattoo artist he simply said, "got it" and asked Amisha for one of her muscle relaxers..... Now... Why the hell didn't I say anything? Of course it's completely natural for the artist to take drugs while he's working. Yea.. in opposite world! NOT!

(did you see what I did there? I totally went back to the 80s.)

OK. SO. I'm about to get tattooed when Amisha says, "O, V! I have the tiniest bit of mushrooms from like 7 years ago... lets take them." So now... I'm in the tattoo seat, I just ate some mushrooms and I'm waiting on the tattoo artist to start tattooing me. Still oblivious to the fact that he just took a muscle relaxer.... Hmmmm

30 minutes into getting tattooed... I'm now seeing the walls melt together... LOL I hear the toilet flush and Amisha say, "O no!!!!!!!"

What in the hell happened?

Amisha walks out of bathroom.

And has the funniest look on her face. (now that I wish I had on camera)

Says, "I flushed my phone down the toilet."

It was the funniest thing I have ever heard. I couldn't stop laughing!!!

Meanwhile the tattoo guy is still tattooing me.

Yea.

Ok fast forward. Amisha is now getting hers done, I'm all bandaged up and the mushrooms are wearing off.

A couple hours later we go outside, sit on the sand and say oooh, lets look at what we got!!

WHAT THE FUCK?!!

If I were to ever go to jail and get a tattoo... this is what it would look like....

That's me with the OM line water thingy...

So yea... but I didn't go to jail... I went to Venice, with my best friend and I was on mushrooms.

REALLY?!

God damn it... Ok but it all worked out in the end because we had the funniest adventure to Venice Beach, got best friend tattoos and later met a really cool tattoo artist that just fixed it for me.

He did not take a muscle relaxer.

Amisha. You are amazing. And I love you.

GUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAVA!!

Vagina's are a girls best friend...

My whole life, up until now obviously, would have "female" issues. I was always the "pretty" one and never had girlfriends for that reason. Now, being older and more mature, I have developed some pretty amazing friendships with these "vagina's" and I'd love to tell you about them.

There's a whole gang of them coming from my hoop workshops. They've been supporters of my business for almost 3 years now. I appreciate every single one of them! But I'd like to mention a couple names that just warm my heart! The Wine-o Hooper's are... Shannon, Jenna, Martie, and Michelle.

I get talked to A LOT about how many times I use the word "best friend." And to tell you the truth I'm darn sick of being told that b/c I use the word so many times it detracts from the meaning... Well, get over it or get "more" best friends :)

Some of my BEST FRIENDS are...

James.

My sweet baby angel!! She's my number 1 best girl friend and she's daddy's little girl too. She loves her grandma's and Aunties and THE BEACH!! Chicken strips is all she wants to eat and is such a love. If you know James, you love her.

Bethany.
I met this crazy, sweet angel after I dated the most awful person on earth. And after looking back I couldn't be more thankful for meeting he who shall not be named. For if I never met him, I would have never met Bethany. Bethany is my little hoop minion and festival partner. If you have not gone to a festival with her... your jealous, because she is the most fun person to play with ever. She's a little bunny, hops around with the most amazing energy and smile. Her positive being is contagious and even if you don't want to be friends with her you'll end up falling madly in love.

Aya.

We drive each other CRAZY!!! Been friends for about 2 years... I helped launch her performance in HoopDance and she now has her own feather business. She's a phenomenal woman that doesn't give her self the credit she deserves... but she's coming into her own and I think 2011 is going to be her year.

Huyen.

I put these two together b/c well, their Asian... No I'm just kidding. Well, somewhat. They are the dragon sisters!!! Huyen I asked to be my maid of Honor b/c she does just that... honors my friendship. She's one of the most beautiful women in this world, wouldn't hurt a fly... but watch out... she's feisty!!! You piss her off and she's down your throat faster then cough syrup! I seriously need to stop trying to be funny...

Huyen was there for me during the worst moment of my life and I will forever be grateful to her saving my soul. I have so many happy memories with this woman. And look forward to many more in 2011.

Amisha.

This is Amisha. If you don't know her... I feel bad for you. I believe her full name is Amisha Cherry Luna Zuber. Yea. Amisha. I'm madly in love with her. Met her in ceramics class at SBCC about 6 years ago. She also met me during a very dark period and literally saved my life. When I met her she was the most amazing, most talented, most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She taught me to be strong, how to paint, how to be artistic and exceptional at anything I did and most importantly how to be positive. She is the funniest person I know. The most memorable moment I have with her is our little trip to the Venice tattoo shop for her birthday.... That will have to be another blog. It's pretty amazing.

My Sisters. Elizabeth and Erika.

To think that I was mean to them growing up pains my heart. These little mini me's are amazing. I love them to death. I would do anything for them. Both have a heart of gold and are amazing dancers!!! They are in that phase of their life where they are confused but I'm sure 2011 will help them mature and grow beautifully! They are talented and so beautiful and I know this is the beginning for them... They deserve everything Life has to offer.

Amanda.
Amanda Hoagland. My heart sings every time I get to hug this one. We met working at UCSB. She didn't like me at first b/c I was too pretty... SEE!! But I made her be friends with me :) I'm not sure if I was the influence but now she's quit UCSB and is a nomad hooping around town and taking road trips with me ;)

Amanda is beautiful, strong, always happy. When you give her advice she can view from all perspectives and really listen. No matter what is going on in her world she will be by your side in a flash. She also likes long candle lit bubble baths and Zicam nose sticks.

Emma.
Emma is my roommate. HOT!! I know right?! We have a saying in the Castillo home... "Emma does it better." It's true!!! This is what normally happens, KiT: "hey Emma, I made this really cool leather thing.." Emma: "Oh, awesome! This is what I made." Insert most amazing leather, hoodie, thing that attaches down at this other thing with this lace skirt.....

fucker...

She always does this. At least I have cooking.... HA!

Emma being in her early 20's is very mature for her age. I love her with all my heart. She's very talented and such a mentor in the crafting world.

Amber.
I thought Huyen was the sweetest woman in the world... But I think Amber and Huyen are neck and neck!! I met Amber in Gymnastics. The girl can flip around faster then a kangeroo. Do Kangeroo's even jump around? You get the point.
Amber has horses and she takes me riding. It's amazing to watch her control these beautiful animals. Amber has so much patience and beauty, I'm so lucky to have a friend like her in my life. She also bakes the best damn chocolate chip cookies in the world. Family is very important to her. She has *many* beautiful qualities.

Jamie. Aka Hoopalotta
I recently blogged about Jamie. If it wasn't for her love of the hoop I wouldn't be where I am today. Jamie, in the beginning, was not a fan of me :) But with this one you have to earn your friendship, and after 3 years I did just that. We hang out a lot which consists of random living room hoop sessions. When the weather is nice we're in the park partner hooping. She's a very fun friend and I love having her in my life. She's a total monkey... you give her an ounce of space and she'll be cart wheeling it up or doing back bends. Her body loves yoga and the girl's got back... daaaaaaaaang! I just love this picture!

Missy.

Another beautiful friend that doesn't give her self enough credit. This woman has POWER!! I've known her since I was 18. Met in dance class at SBCC. We've been through so much with one another. Relationships, moving, LA, Up North, Hooping. I would die for this one. I have to stop looking at her as this fragile flower though, I wish I could protect her from harm and always make her happy. She's on her path and taking her power back! She knows I will always be here for her. I love you Missy!

Amanda Inks. Now Cowie :)
I've known Amanda since I first moved to Cali. I was 12. On and off these 16 years... damn that's a long time... we've been there for one another. I've watched her two girls grow up and was even at her wedding. I wish I saw more of her. Amanda is *very* strong. Sometimes I think that's an understatement. I know what this woman has gone through with raising her children and in past relationships. I admire her love for her family. She's a wonderful mother.

Amanda, Ali, and Julie.

I have pretty friends :) I know.

So I've also known these girls since I was 12. Ali and I have been best friends since the day we met. And even if we lose touch we still pop up to be there for one another. Through out these years we all have seen one fall and we are always there to pick each other back up. Never catty, and the friendship is always pure, these girls are oldies but goodies.

Heidi.
I met Heidi in a photo shoot. She picked me up in her mini cruiser and I remember thinking, "If I hear her say, "move just a tich" I may punch her... What is a tich anyway??!! But it was her giggle and outstanding friendship that made me fall in love. She was also a roommate, one of the very best, and I was there during the beginning of her pregnancy. She lives in Seattle now and I wish I saw more of her. No matter how my day is going, all I need to do is call her and I always feel better.

Anah. AKA Hoopalicious
Every time I see a picture of Anah I think of the very first moment I saw her. A total famous hoop star on youtube I desired to be her. She has this energetic pull that makes you HAVE to be around her. Seriously, I'll do whatever she tells me, I'm completely infatuated with her being. Weird... now I sound like one of those stalker types... I mean, I totally admit that I did stalk her in the beginning, but I never dreamed we'd become this good of friends. She's an amazing teacher and mentor. Anyone is very lucky to have her grace, understanding, passion and friendship in their life.

Autumn.
As you can see from this picture why wouldn't I have her as a best friend!! She's phenomenal! And the best part, she's amazingly GOOFY!! And little. She's this crazy little bundle of energy that explodes in your face. And when she's having a "moment" performing she'll bring tears to your eyes. I saw God in one of her performances... she's that good! She teaches me aerial twice a week and if I don't have the funds she makes me go anyway. She believes in happiness and passion first. I admire this woman so much, knowing what she's gone through to keep her sisters children happy. If you knew, you would know that no matter what life hands you, you smile knowing the show must go on.

April.
And last but certainly not least... had to find the right picture for this hottie!

April is a newbie best friend. I hang out with her a lot and our days consist of her kicking my ass on the pole and crafting. Well... she does mostly the crafting these days :) My new personal stylist, she makes the sickest leg flairs for performance! She runs a pole dance studio in Ventura. She's SO much fun and I love her. If you're in Ventura look her up!! www.stagelightstudios.com

**I have SO many epic women in my life. These were a few that I just had to mention. Every time I see them my life is magnified with this kind of vagina power. It's amazing. I wouldn't be here or be the person I am today with out these women in my life. I thank you all, for staying or weaving in and out of my 28 years of life. You all mean so much to me.

KiT~

It all started when...

I just turned 25 and I was taking my mom to a Solutions for Dreamers concert here in Santa Barbara. I hear behind me a girl say, "It's a hula hoop, it lights up. My friend is using it." I turn back around with not a care in my world, because well, Jack Johnson was singing 2 feet away from me, and he's hot.

ALO comes on and out of no where he starts singing this song about a girl and a hula hoop. I'm like... Ok... what's all the hoopla about? All of a sudden, this magical Unicorn girl comes frolicking down the stage with this light up hula hoop.... This is the video that changed my life.....







What the hell was that?!! Holy shit?! Who was that girl? Later, I find out her name is Jamie, aka Hoopalotta. And she HATED me stomping on her turf... but we're best friends now so it's all good :)

I go home and now I'm obsessed. I frantically search the web for anything "hoop" related. I find HoopGirl. Alright... she's pretty damn exciting... and then I find Anah. WHOA!!! Ok, God, I want to look like that. I'll do anything, I'll eat right, I'll practice every day!! Please make me into Anah!!!

I remember getting her number and leaving a ridiculous message like, "are you hiring anyone in your company right now? Need a hoop maker?" LoL She ended up leaving a message back and my roommate Joe and I screaming like mad little girls!! HOOPALICIOUS CALLED US!!!!!!! AHAHHOGIHEWGIHWEOIGHOEIHGOH!!!! Holy Shit!

March 1st, 2007. My awesome friend Marc, who in 4 months I will be assisting in their birth, works for a contracting company. He's like... O I can get you tubing.

SWEET!!!

So I get this blue tubing, this weird machine that opens it up so you can put the coupling in and BAM I have my first hula hoop...

I practiced every day. I loved it so much. I was reading Harry Potter at the time and I would read and hoop. One day I felt this bump sticking out around my hip. What the hell is this? I go to the doctor and he says I have a hernia. Are you serious?! I got a hooping hernia!! Well, that didn't stop me. I stuck it back in my stomach, and bandaged that puppy up, threw on a corset and I was good to hoop again :)

I had the most fun those 2 years.

I met Rayna from Hoopnotica and worked for her company for a bit. Driving the big Hoopnotica van. She became such an inspiration and big sister. I felt so lucky to be in her circle.

Girlfriends and I would go to the drum circle every Saturday and just practice. Having picnics and hula hooping. I was in Orbital Bliss.

Photo shoots and small performances. Laughs with amazing hooping girlfriends.

LOTS of time with practice. Hoop Path, Hoop Convergence, HoopCamp.

And then I won Hooping.org's Fire Hooper of the year. Seriously?!

To think... It all started one night at a concert.

Jamie, you saved my life. I'm forever grateful for your orbiting friendship.

KiT~

What a difference a year makes...

OK. Time to blog! Shit... What should I blog about? So I sit here... staring at the computer... "I hate how I write...." Veronika. Why are you already starting off on a bad foot? You type perfectly well, and if other's don't care to read what you have to say, then F them. They don't have to read.... Great. Now I'm typing to myself...

Ok. Lets start this over. Veronika. Tell the experience of your year. Ok....

Well. I'm in 2011 now, 2 years since my last "blog."

I feel good!

2010. Whew... you were hard, but damn, I conquered you. It's amazing to me what a year makes....

In 2009 I was going through some seriously emotional head stuff. I was with a wonderful man, whom asked me to marry him a year before, and my career was kicking off into serious high demand. TV shows, music videos... it was surreal.

I don't want to use any names... so I'll call my ex fiance, Dreamer.

Knowing what I know now, I don't understand *why* I just couldn't say, "listen Dreamer, you are wonderful, I am totally in love with your family, but we're not *soul mates* so... I think we should focus on strengthening our friendship and go from there."

But what do I do? I lie, cheat, and totally abandon my Dreamer. What a douche! But... karma comes back in full circle and as soon as I let Dreamer out of my world, I let the devil in.

I met, he who shall not be named, the summer of 2009. Right when I was doing the break up thing with Dreamer. I've *always* believed in magic and connection and I felt this crazy mind hold on this person.

Of course, his magic was very powerful and I fell madly in love. Running away from my responsibilities as a friend to Dreamer, neglecting all my friends and my work!

He never liked my career, and when he asked me to stop so we could "settle" down... I just did...

I remember coming into my hoop class and saying I'll be quiting. Ew. Did those words really come out of my mouth? For a stupid boy! Damn, did he have some power on me!! Or how bout the time when I got called to perform for Armin Van Buuren for NYE IN BEIRUT!!!! But... I said no. Why? He wanted to spend NYE with me... Ugh. What an idiot. Really?

Ok for all you people out there reading this. IF you are in a relationship and they have this weird power over you... GET THE FUCK OUT! A true loving relationship is when you both can work side by side, knowing there will be ups and downs of your career, but it's the... Ok I'm re reading this sentence over and over which means I need to stop, and move onto what I am really trying to say.

If you are in a relationship where you can't communicate lovingly, openly, about whatever you want to talk about... the love is not real, and you should move on. Being in a relationship is all about loving and honoring that other person, no matter what career they posses. It's about *working* together in harmony.

Ok. Back to what this original experience was all about... So. Now I totally abandoned my friends and my career... but I had "love!" Or did I? One week he was telling me how much in love he was, how he wanted a family with me, and that he would do anything for me. Next week, I'm pregnant and he accuses me of being a liar and just stops talking to me. I mean, man up! I would have been fine with, "I'm totally not in love with you and don't want to have this baby." Jeesh! Thank you for being honest and up front he who shall not be named!

If you're wondering... I had a miscarriage :(

It was the most painful experience I have ever experienced in my life... and I've been through some shit.

I lost a baby, my "soul mate" O not to mention my best girl friend was sleeping with him... Hmmm. Ok. I think I need to evaluate why this is going on in my life.

Karma for Dreamer?
Universe yelling at me THIS IS NOT THE ONE!! STAND DOWN! STAND DOWN!!!

Or, because no matter what, Life has a bigger purpose for me. It could care less of what is painful, horrible, heart breaking...

If certain people are NOT meant to be in your life... no matter what, the Universe will remove them.

Granted I didn't get out of bed for awhile, and I had a wonderful amount of supporters, I took comfort knowing that "this too shall pass." I knew that I had pissed the Universe off for allowing humans not at my level into my world. How dare you tell me what I should and shouldn't do. How dare you tell me, "I love you, but don't want you to continue with what makes you exceptionally joyful."

People. If you are experiencing this... run like mad. Away... Far away. Move. Do whatever you need to do. Have faith knowing that the Universe will take care of you in whatever you decide. Especially if it's to save your mind, soul and heart.

This all happened one year ago. I thought I would never recover. I thought I could never love again. But I held on to what I believed in... and what I believed in was that my soul mate was looking for me as hard as I was looking for him... So I decided to stop. After trying to date, and I'm sure breaking their hearts, I just stopped. I wanted to just be, experience life, not love, and mend. I wanted to hoop, go to festivals and have fun. It wasn't till LIB and meeting Treavor Moontribe, a very good friend to this day, did my life dramatically change...

6 months later... almost to the day... I met my soul mate. Torin Gray Goodnight.

And that's another story folks.

So moral of story. If anyone in your life makes you unhappy, scared, mentally frustrated, tells you to stop doing what you love, or straight up runs away from their problems instead of manning up.... Smile, and walk away. You deserve better, and you will be better for realizing that you don't need people like this in your life. It's your path... walk it.

It's time to BLOG! My new 2011 Blogging Challenge.

In a couple months I'm about to hit my 4 year anniversary of hooping. Wow. 4 years! And I started thinking about every place my hooping took me and all the amazing people I met.

Every time I tell someone about certain memories, the topic of a "book" always come up. "You have such an outstanding life, it's almost selfish to not write about, and have others learn about your hooping experiences."

Wow. What a thing to say. So... now I'm realizing I have to blogify everything. I just can't leave out certain memories because they might be too personal, scary, or boring. Sounds like fun... Could also be a great challenge! I've never been fond of my writing, er, should I say my typing. So maybe this will be a great challenge for 2011!

Every day I will take the time to blog about something new. Might be a hooping adventure, stories about my marriage, about someone I know, or a painful experience. I'm not sure what I'll write about...

But I hoop you like my blog. Maybe someday I'll compile into a book. "The memoirs of a HoopDancer!" Ok, that's ghey... but you get the idea.

Thank you for joining me on my blogging adventure!

KiT~

Hooping with Michael Franti & Spearhead

Wow, obviously I'm not the "blogger." It's rare that I have the time to sit on my computer and "blog" about all the wonderful moments that Hooping has brought me. But I felt this was such a time to do so. After all it was a dream come true!

Last night I got asked to hoop on stage with Michael Franti & Spearhead!! I even have the text saved from the tour manager saying, "meet me stage left for hoops on stage!"

What a feeling being on stage with this international music icon!! The amount of presence this man has and the amount of positive energy he pulls out of the crowd is exhilarating! I had the most fun I ever had hooping, part of the time I wasn't even dancing, I was just jumping around like a crazy kid with a hula hoop!

I even got to bring my mom!! It was awesome to have her see me on stage :) *insert tear here*

Thank you Jason, Tour Manager of Spearhead for making a dream come true :) I will never forget last night.

KiT~